We got a mini van!!!  It’s got chipped paint and low mileage.  amazing! magical!  hand-me-down, domestic, utilitarianism chic.

today was also spiced/littered with family tension/guilt, but not of the super traumatic variety.  Just enough to need to talk/write about. I love them so much, but I hate feeling pulled or obligated and then forced to disappoint.  I did not want to be this way, but easy-going, pleasing sister was not my calling.  hopefully my unconditional love and admiration will make up for it.  If I can figure out a way to manifest it.  Hopefully words can make up for/explain actions or lack of.

We played a titwrench benefit last night but didn’t take good pictures, as is our fashion.  We really love titwrench and loved dancing around.  First show back from tour = fun.  I also had my tarot cards read by beautiful miss piper and it’s official -  I need to move, but it’s also official – I’m scared and anchored to this city. While getting my cards read and knowing full well I need to leave, I hear the voices of my friends outside the tent and feel totally comforted.  I’m scared of people I don’t know yet. And I’m energized by people I know won’t reject me.  New friends are hard and the comforting can be surprising.  This is the mentality that has kept me here.  I know I need to move, but there are logical AND emotional reasons not to.  I am determined to work through it.

Next steps:

1)  Come up with a criteria for city to move to

2)  Pick the city

3) apply to Grad school/ apply for grants/loans/funding

4)  Quit job (this may come before #3)

5)  GO!  say goodbye, pack, plan to the degree  you can, take care of yourself but don’t make excuses.  GO!

PS Ryan is a fucking sound wizard.  It makes me want to kiss his whole soul.  He is playing mario bros right now.  what a babe.

  life is rad * xo * B)